Go See Crash

A few days ago I took the oportunity to go and see the movie 'Crash'. I must say, I was very impressed. At first glance, it looks to be a dull movie, which is far from the truth. Crash was awesome, and I enjoyed every second of it.

In my opinion, the character development and social commentary that 'Crash' provides was high above what you might find in a typical movie. The actors were delightful, and the scenes from the movie were very interesting. If you are at all interesting in Sociological topics, this is a movie for you!

First Lady in Jerusalem

As many of you have no doubt heard, Mrs. Bush has taken a holiday in Jerusalem. I wonder who told her this would be a good idea? Probably that idiot husband of hers. Good idea Bush, send your sweetheart on holiday where people are sure to hate her. I wouldn't be surprised if he sent her there hoping she wouldn't come back.

Clearly the Bush family has absolutely no idea that they are disliked. Mrs. Bush probably expected that she would be greeted in Jerusalem by throngs of fans. Instead she was followed around by a giant mob who probably wanted to stuff a dagger in her eye sockets. Luckily for Mrs. Bush, she had her very own squad of riot police to help her traverse the streets in safety.

Struggling to show her cultural side, Mrs. Bush stopped at some of Jerusalem's religious sites. Obviously she was trying to show her respect for the local religions. But wait, that's funny, isn't this the same family that has been bombing mosques in Iraq? You Bushs make me giggle. Fools.

Oh, and Mrs. Bush, next time you feel the need to take a holiday, might I suggest a beautiful city named 'Baghdad'. I'm sure it will be a perfect venue for you to witness some of your husband's finest work. Bring your riot squad!

Rods from God

Apparently, our good friend and favorite village idiot, Mr. George W. Bush, will soon be giving the go ahead to start development on fancy-schancy space weapons. I'm sure that many of you will see what a horrendously ridiculous scheme this is.

There's been talk about several different types of space weapons. There are plans to build giant space lasers to blast enemy cities. There are plans to put giant mirrors in space to focus sunlight. There are even plans (and this is my personal favorite) to send 'Rods from God'.

Lasers in space? Get real Bush! I wonder how many Star Wars episodes the pentagon engineers had to watch to come up with this idea. While Bush is at it, why doesn't he just fly his Super-Star-Destroyer to the Hoth system and ride a Taun-Taun to the Rebel Alliance base. Obviously this is a terrible idea, and it would take decades to get such a system working correctly.

Giant mirrors? Okay, Bush, now you're just a kid with a magnifying glass. This idea is slightly better, but it still stinks. For this to work, they're going to need a lot of mirrors, spread over a wide area in order to focus enough light. Sounds expensive.

'Rods from God'? For those of you who don't know, this involves dropping large metal beams (made of hardened uranium, or a similar metal) from space onto unsuspecting cities. How unbelievably primitive. Sure, it might cause huge amounts of damage, but think of what would happen if one fell off the satelite by accident. What if there was a space collision? Innocent lives would be lost.

Granted, such a defense system would certainly give rise to some superb political threats. Watching the news would become funnier than most Saturday Night Live episodes:
Random Arabic Nation: "Leave us alone, we want to be peaceful"

Bush: "Look at me, I'm from Texas. You sand people better give me your oil, or else I'm going to be forced to drop my rod on you."

Random Arabic Nation: "You can't do that. We haven't done anything wrong, and we always tell the truth."

Bush: "The Americans are a peace-loving people, and we're going to show you by destroying your city if you don't stop developing the nuclear weapons that we're not even sure you have. Prepare to taste death at the hands of my giant mirrors."

Random Arabic Nation: "...."

Bush: "You are part of the 'axis of evil'. I'm going to fry your cities with giants lasers like I saw on Star Wars. You, and all your camels are going to die. Americans are a peace-loving people, and I'm from Texas, and that's why we want to kill all of you, so that you can have freedom to. I want a happy meal."

I'm sure all of you can see the humor in all of this.

All of these space weapons have some common problems about them. I'm not even an engineer, and I can figure out why these the Americans will never get these systems to work.

Problem 1: Space is a really really big place. How are they going to move the satelites between targets quickly?
Bush's Probable Solution: Simple. Just put a weapon over every probable target. Or in other words, over every city where Arabic people live.

Problem 2: Space weapons are expensive. Not like Donald Trump expensive, I mean really really expensive. Expensive enough that the U.S. will go bankrupt long before they ever get the weapons off the ground (no pun intended).
Bush's Probable Solution: Simple. Just attack some countries and steal their oil and use the proceeds. That's not illegal.

Problem 3: Shooting down a space weapon would be 1000 times cheaper, easier, and more practical than putting one up.
Bush's Probable Solution: That will never happen. Everyone loves America, and they want us to have weapons in space. We're the world's police. I want a happy meal.

Bottom line: Fools! Ditch the program before you piss away more money on doomed projects.

Murphy's Law of Car-Washing

I'm the type of person that likes to obsess over the cleanliness of my vehicle. I absolutely despise the thought of having a dirty car, so I keep mine very clean all the time. It seems though that mother nature is always out to get me, because every time I wash my car, mother nature finds a way to make it dirty again.

If I really tried, I'm sure I could make some money off of my bad luck. Believe me when I say it; I can actually control the weather by washing or not washing my car. Folks, I'm not even kidding, this is for real. I have the worst luck with weather when my car is clean. I have the power to ruin even the most beautiful days.

Picture it now, you're on your porch, the sun is shining, you've got a cold beverage, and the neighborhood squirrel is laying a beating on one of your garden gnomes. At that moment, you wish that the day would stay like that forever, that the sun would always shine.

In your state of perpetual nature-induced bliss, you are completely unaware, that just a few blocks away, I'm pulling a Honda Prelude into a wash bay at the local car-wash. Sure, there's not a cloud in the sky, but there will be by the time I'm done washing my car.

While washing my car, the clouds suddenly appear out of nowhere. By the time I'm turning the pressure washer's selector to 'Wax', a few drops of rain start to fall. A cold wind comes up, the air feels damp, and you can hear the roar of storm about to lay waste to your neighborhood.

Not wanting to freeze your rastafarian nay-nays off, you have to move your chillaxin' to the indoors. There's no more sun to enjoy, your cold beverage isn't as appealing. The only pleasent thing about being outside is that you get to watch the squirrel violently evict a family of birds from your yard's birdhouse during his frantic search for shelter.

Then, as soon as I start to pull out of the wash garage, the sky starts to fall. Mother nature starts up a butt-kickin' storm. I'm not kidding. I've actually driven into a wash bay on a cloudless day, and 10 minutes later, driven out into a thunderstorm.

Movin' to the U.S....Gonna see a lot of impeachments

Oh boy! Oh boy! Something wonderful arrived today. It seems that the media has managed to get their hands on a secret British document. The contents of this document; nothing but the cold, dank, aweful truth. Oh, my friends, I love this stuff.

The document essentially details a meeting between the U.S. (led by our good friend, Mr. Dubya Bush), and Britain (led by your favorite political puppet, Mr. Tony Blair). In the meeting, the two countries discussed the possibility of going to war with Iraq. Being the political nightmare that he is, naturally, Bush was all in favor of sending his country to war. What an idiot.

There was a big problem though, Iraq hadn't really done anything wrong. Saddam wasn't harassing his neighbors that much, and Iraq's weapons of mass destruction campaign wasn't even as bad as Libya's. Bush wanted a war though, and he wasn't going to let the truth stand in his way.

As clear evidence of Bush's fraudulent mindset, the document gives clear indications of Bush fabricating intelligence information to justify the war. I think that we can all recognize this as a move stinking of conspiracy, treason, and fraud. Bush, you are going to hell.

There have been doubts circulating about the war ever since its conception. Those of us with enlightened minds saw through Bush's scheming right from the start and were not taken by his lies. Unfortunately though, the majority of the American public do not fit into the 'enlightened minds' category, but rather, they hunger for the latest lies from the mass media.

This is why I find news of this document to be so exciting, it is just the type of that the mass media might run with. A secret document makes a wonderful news story. I hope they spread it far, I hope they spread it wide. The truth is coming out, my friends. This document is one more piece of dirty laundry soaking up all of Bush's sugar-coated lies.

Personally, I'd like to see Bush burned at the stake, but I'd settle for an impeachment. Lee Harvey Oswald, where are you when we need you.

Side note: Our good friends at CNN seem to have neglected to say anything about said document. I'm dissapointed, but not surprised. I wonder how much Bush is paying them to be part of his propoganda machine. Thus, if you want more information on this story, stick to reputable (those that are not American) news providers.

Did I learn that?

Since I'm all done with university now, I thought it would be appropriate to go through all my notes and put them away in a tidy fashion. My previous organization strategy had been to just throw all my old note books on a shelf and forget about them. This had worked for a while, but by the end of last term, I had already filled the shelf and begun to pile stuff on my floor too. What a mess.

I decided to put all my note papers in binders. This takes up a lot less space than individual note books, and allows me to make much better use of my storage space. The best part about this whole process is that I get to look through some of my old notes. It's a time for recollection, for remembering old friends, and for realizing that I have no memory of taking some of the courses I supposedly took.

It's a very strange feeling. I will have in front of me the notes for an entire semester of attending class for some course. In a few cases, I have no memory whatsoever about the material, or the course itself. I don't remember who the prof was, I don't remember who was in the class with me, and I certainly don't remember what I learned. Is that what education is supposed to be like? I've taken courses, and I got so little out of them, I don't even remember being there.
I'm sure it's part of some university conspiracy to keep all the students in school.

I wouldn't be surprised if they pump Rohypnol into the air systems of some classrooms. That way, the students will show up for class, take notes, but not even get the smallest benefit from attending. Everyone would just forget everything they had just learned. Lovely. Those courses were a waste of money.

The End of an Era

I've graduated from University just recently with a degree in Computer Science. Strangely, after all that work, a lot of me just wants to stay in school and be a student forever. Learning is a priviledge, and I have certainly enjoyed obtaining my degree.
Times such as this cause one to reflect, to think back on the days that brought me here. University has changed my life. I know things now that I didn't previously even know existed. I've met some wonderful people. I've had good days, I've had bad days. It's been wonderful.
I feel it appropriate at this time to take a moment and think back over some of the most memorable moments of school. There have been lots of them, and it was these moments that have made my university experience as enjoyable as it was.
To those of you who were there with me, I hope that some of the events I am going to mention will bring a smile to your face as they do to mine. I thank all of my university buddies for their company, I had a ball getting to know you.
Here, my friends, in no particular order, is the best of the best of my university memories.

1. Ham singing S-Club7 in the stairwell when we were supposed to be completing our final CPSC 233 assignment.
2. McFly and I having competitions to see who could build the best paper airplanes to fly off the parkade.
3. Decorating the ICT garbage cans on a weekly basis in 3rd year.
4. Teaching my CPSC 203 lab section. What a riot.
5. Sheldon's BSD 'mouthwash'.
6. Deifante kicking a hole in the Math Science door.
7. Blaming Deifante for all school vandalism after he kicked a hole in the door.
8. In 6th year, suddenly having the inability to get up in time for an 11:00 class.
9. Hanging out in the office with Eric and Deifante, talking about 'randoms' and listening to Eric's club stories.
10. Deifante sneezing curried rice on me during an early sushi outing.
11. 4am noodle trips to China-town.
12. Having my soda can explode in a CPSC 233 lecture.
13. Burger cooking with James. Great music, great tea, and some all around hilarious times.
14. Studying my bones off with Tang and Luan to barely pass CPSC 421 under Costi's horrible instruction.
15. GEOG 365 classes, and learning how exceptionally good a professor can be.
16. Computer Ethics class with Al Marshall. I loved listening to Al rant and rave.
17. "Ghetto Chopper" walks with James.
18. Fondue parties at my place. It's great to see everyone in one place.
19. Parking for free in the art parkade for 4 years.
20. CPSC 333 group projects under Rose's command.
21. Having Rose yell at us for playing Starcraft when we were supposed to be writing boring documents.
22. "Fuzzy Mittens"
23. Walpole stories.
24. Monday night movies with all you can eat popcorn. Listening to people complain about Deifante snapping his fingers during the movie.
25. Deifante's sneezing making everyone's heart in a ten mile radius skip a beat.
26. Playing "Point-Blank" with Deifante every night at 11:30 for an entire year. Or so it seemed.
27. "Natural Disasters" class. How not to get yourself ruined by a tidal wave, earthquake, etc.
28. Many nights of late night programming with the fellas. Seeing people passed out on keyboards. Sleeping in the lab.
29. Deifante's reggae music filling Math Science late at night, and in the background, hearing him singing along.
30. Workouts with Chi, and hating him for the next two days.
31. Staying up for 72 hours to finish our 333 assignment with Adam.
32. Schlenkler's hilarious stories in ECON 201 and 203.
33. "Big Fun Fridays"
34. Being so poor for a while that I had to find change on the ground to afford my weekly "entertainment", an Oreo ice-cream sandwhich.
35. Gradually losing the ability to sleep at night from too many late nights spent on assignments.

I'm sure I've missed some things, but I'll add them as I think of them. The bottom line is that university was the funnest thing I have ever done. A big shout out to all the people who were there with me, it was a pleasure to work with you all.