Murphy's Law of Car-Washing
I'm the type of person that likes to obsess over the cleanliness of my vehicle. I absolutely despise the thought of having a dirty car, so I keep mine very clean all the time. It seems though that mother nature is always out to get me, because every time I wash my car, mother nature finds a way to make it dirty again.
If I really tried, I'm sure I could make some money off of my bad luck. Believe me when I say it; I can actually control the weather by washing or not washing my car. Folks, I'm not even kidding, this is for real. I have the worst luck with weather when my car is clean. I have the power to ruin even the most beautiful days.
Picture it now, you're on your porch, the sun is shining, you've got a cold beverage, and the neighborhood squirrel is laying a beating on one of your garden gnomes. At that moment, you wish that the day would stay like that forever, that the sun would always shine.
In your state of perpetual nature-induced bliss, you are completely unaware, that just a few blocks away, I'm pulling a Honda Prelude into a wash bay at the local car-wash. Sure, there's not a cloud in the sky, but there will be by the time I'm done washing my car.
While washing my car, the clouds suddenly appear out of nowhere. By the time I'm turning the pressure washer's selector to 'Wax', a few drops of rain start to fall. A cold wind comes up, the air feels damp, and you can hear the roar of storm about to lay waste to your neighborhood.
Not wanting to freeze your rastafarian nay-nays off, you have to move your chillaxin' to the indoors. There's no more sun to enjoy, your cold beverage isn't as appealing. The only pleasent thing about being outside is that you get to watch the squirrel violently evict a family of birds from your yard's birdhouse during his frantic search for shelter.
Then, as soon as I start to pull out of the wash garage, the sky starts to fall. Mother nature starts up a butt-kickin' storm. I'm not kidding. I've actually driven into a wash bay on a cloudless day, and 10 minutes later, driven out into a thunderstorm.
If I really tried, I'm sure I could make some money off of my bad luck. Believe me when I say it; I can actually control the weather by washing or not washing my car. Folks, I'm not even kidding, this is for real. I have the worst luck with weather when my car is clean. I have the power to ruin even the most beautiful days.
Picture it now, you're on your porch, the sun is shining, you've got a cold beverage, and the neighborhood squirrel is laying a beating on one of your garden gnomes. At that moment, you wish that the day would stay like that forever, that the sun would always shine.
In your state of perpetual nature-induced bliss, you are completely unaware, that just a few blocks away, I'm pulling a Honda Prelude into a wash bay at the local car-wash. Sure, there's not a cloud in the sky, but there will be by the time I'm done washing my car.
While washing my car, the clouds suddenly appear out of nowhere. By the time I'm turning the pressure washer's selector to 'Wax', a few drops of rain start to fall. A cold wind comes up, the air feels damp, and you can hear the roar of storm about to lay waste to your neighborhood.
Not wanting to freeze your rastafarian nay-nays off, you have to move your chillaxin' to the indoors. There's no more sun to enjoy, your cold beverage isn't as appealing. The only pleasent thing about being outside is that you get to watch the squirrel violently evict a family of birds from your yard's birdhouse during his frantic search for shelter.
Then, as soon as I start to pull out of the wash garage, the sky starts to fall. Mother nature starts up a butt-kickin' storm. I'm not kidding. I've actually driven into a wash bay on a cloudless day, and 10 minutes later, driven out into a thunderstorm.
1 Comments:
HaH! That's perfect. No, great one, you do not have the market cornered on this least likeable of Murphy's spewing and ranting.
I may not be able to enter in sunlight and leave in rain but I sho nuff have the ability to wash and then within 20 miles find THE ONLY storm cloud in the state. OR the ONLY idiot who decides at that moment in time they need to have the most spotless, clear and pristine windshield. Of course this has to also be the guy driving his ChevoBuick which is factory equipped with Rainbird sprinkler brand windshield washer jets. Honest.
Or the day I spent over 4 hours detailing my G, got on the interstate and this poor guy (*my online text NICE name for him) in front of me blows, (determined by the amount of water, goop, oil and antifreeze that was deposited on my car when I got it home) what would have to have been the head gasket, valve cover gaskets, oil filter, windshield washer reservoir, master cylinder reservoir (maybe even the large Colt 45 malt liquor he was chuggin) and every other hose on his 1985 Cadillac Eldorado. Was I able to escape from behind this rolling, mechanical Old Faithful? NO. There was no breakdown lane on that stretch of highway and it was jam-packed with other cars, none of whom would let him OR me over. Yes, I rode behind him at a distance of 500 feet for at least a mile before he was able to get off the road. The car was somehow still running as it bled to death....... So no, Great One, don't feel so bad about missing out on that cold soda, because my sodas go from cold to bitter in minutes and all I can figure is that it has something to do with how bad I was in a past life. Or maybe it's that dang squirrel.
Josh
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